I have epilepsy! #Day13

Heya guys, welcome to Blogtober day 13. This is more of a personal blogtober from me today..

I am Amy, and i suffer from epilepsy. That has never actually sunk in before and i don't actually think it has sunk in, and ever will. I had just passed my driving test prior to this fit. I haven't had epilepsy all my life, so let me begin...

It was November 2016 and i had a massive headache that day, i just hadn't felt like myself. I felt really run down but thought it was just a migraine (as i do suffer from these!) I was watching X-factor, and i remember just feeling really dizzy and i could just see these flashing lights everywhere i looked. I called for my Mum to get me some headache tablets, and that was it.. I woke up, but i had been unconscious for quite a long time, and this had been my first ever fit. i remember waking up to the rapid response lady asking my name and i came out with 'Isabelle.' When the ambulance drivers turned up, i could actually remember what i was doing before, and my memory was slowly coming back. I just felt sick and had a headache still. Scared wasn't even the word at this point, i was petrified. I heard the word 'stroke' and i was just balling my eyes out, thinking oh my god. Luckily, it hadn't been a stroke. I was in hospital, and i remember the nurse had turned the light on and off on a patient, and there was my 2nd fit of the night. I remember just waking up in a hospital bed feeling groggy and so tired. 

I had been told it might have been part of my really bad migraine mixed in with tiredness. I went home after the 3rd night, and got an appointment for my mri scan. Luckily, nothing came up, and i was free to go. I had to still see my neurologist, who i had been referred to, and she was lovely. I kept getting migraines still, so she had upped my doseage.  I remember not wanting to go back to college, as i felt embarrased (silly i know). i was so anxious that i would have another one and i remember being strong, but inside my heart was shattered. I just wanted to be this 'normal' 19 year old girl i once was. I am now 20, 21 in June, and you can still live your life to the fullest.!

My last neurologist meeting i had, it had been confirmed i had epilepsy. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy in May 2017, (19 years old) and my whole world was turned upside down! I couldn't drive for a whole year now, and i was shaken. I just kept saying 'why me?' I remember not being able to say the words 'i have epilepsy, i just didn't want to believe it, so by not saying it, i wouldn't believe it. I took so many things for granted, such as going to gigs, and having independence. I also have never really knew much about epilepsy, but i researched into it, and now i know so much more about it! My anxiety levels were really high, and i still sometimes get anxiety, going to certain places or meeting new people, and having to explain my story to different placements i go to for my course.

 Over the next few months, nothing had seemed to be happening, and my doseage was perfect. 

Until, September 2017, i had another seizure. I remember feeling the same kind of symptoms the night before, but i just wanted to go to college, as it wasn't as bad and had passed. I remember saying to my friend at college, i just don't feel right. I ended up having a seizure in the college bathroom, and my tutor and all my friends were so supportive. It didn't last as long and i remembered everything i had been doing. My heart was shattered again. I am now just taking things slowly, getting plenty of sleep. I am still carrying on with my course, my family, friends and tutors have been all so supportive, and i keep taking days as it comes. I feel some days i can talk about my epileptic story, but other days i don't want to, which is completely normal. I can't drive now until 2018, and i was super near to my 1st year of being seizure free, but it happened. I feel down so many days, but i remember, i still have a life to live and i recognise my symptoms, and take it easy that day. 

If you have any q's i will a them!
Amy x